ice cream

We went to get some ice cream at a local shop. It was Venture's idea. I like the spot, they have some good stuff. However, I didn't really have ice cream money.

I've been a little broke for a whole bunch of reasons, including bad planning, a mistake with math, and needing to spend more than I thought I would on a few important things.

Venture knows that I need to keep things a little tight for now. 

Not only did my dude get me some ice cream, he went and bought some for Jaxie, who was at work, so that she could have some and be included in some sort of manner. 

I looked down at the ice cream meant for my girlfriend, and had to try not to cry.

A few days later, Cicada mentioned that he noticed me looking down at the ice cream that had been packaged up for Jaxie, and that he knew that I was thinking about how I'm thankful to be surrounded by so many friends.

He was right, but only partially. I was also thinking about how much I wished Jaxie could be there with us, and how it makes me feel when other people care about and try to include Jaxie. Jaxie really does mean more to me than just about anything, and it pains me that she is often unable to join us, as she is typically working on weekends. 

When someone else remembers her it makes me feel very thankful. More thankful than when someone remembers me. I'm loud, obnoxious, good at making friends, and hard not to remember.
Jaxie is not social, loud and annoying, or flashy like I am, and when people show that they care about her... well, it also shows how much they care about me, whether they realize it or not. 

So yeah, I'm thankful for all of the wonderful people who call me "friend." Their time, presence, and all that they do means so much more to me than I can poke at a keyboard about. I'm even more thankful that by finding so many good people to be friends with, I've been able to make sure that Jaxie is likewise surrounded by supportive people who honestly like her and want her to be happy.

Because what I want, more than anything else I can conceive of, is for Jaxie to feel happy, loved, appreciated, included, and safe.


- Slava

Doggy

 Tonight, I ate three pb&j sandwiches.

Doggy made them for me to take to work. It's a small thing, but it makes me feel like I might be someone who is worth caring about, which feels nice. I'm glad to have her around. Sure, I've done a lot to help her out, but I don't think I can ever really make her understand exactly how lucky I am to have her in my life. 

It's about way more than sandwiches, obviously. It's about all the big and little things she does for me. It's about what she makes possible. El Furado, our home, would not be possible without her, in spite of her intermittent reluctance to participate in social events.

She gives and gives and hardly asks for anything in return other than my time, attention, love, and opinion, and to follow along on my spontaneous adventures. I don't know if I can ever give her enough of those things to balance the scales with what she does for me, but I'm sure going to try.

- Slava

Visitors

 I need a calendar really badly...

I keep offering up our guest rooms and forgetting that they've been claimed. I kinda pulled an oopsie and forgot that a farther-flung member of El Furado is coming in this weekend, then offered space to my sister and niece.

I could feasibly host them all, but it could be a difficult experience. Six people in the place for at least one night, five for potentially longer, and one of them totally new to all of the people there. Especially considering other stuff that's going on right now, maybe not the best idea.

I've asked my sister to push back her visit a week if she can. Hopefully she's fine with that.
I really hate to disappoint people; it makes me feel awful about myself.

I really need to keep better notes or a schedule or something. Commitments are getting a little ahead of me.

- Slava

Why start a blog in 2025?

I'm always reviving dead trends... 

and usually, they've been dead for a long time. Honestly, I wanted to begin journaling, but in a more public manner than scribbling in a cute little book. This desire to be public should surprise no one who knows me, or who reads along with this blog. I've always been fairly public about myself and my life, and now that I'm running a furry house and community center, I really don't have much privacy remaining. That's fine with me, that's how I like it.

I've been kinda operating close to the bone in my personal life to make El Furado happen. It's been worse since one of our residents has been unable to pay rent after losing her job. Now that she's employed again, I'm hopeful that as far as money goes, things will become less stressful.

I want to talk about running a community and planning events. These activities can obviously be a little stressful, especially when working with a blue-collar salary to fund most of it. I don't solicit monetary donations and I don't want them, but oh boy would a little extra money each month come in handy.

Another source of stress is not yet being able to ask for or receive the level of commitment and assistance I'm going to need from people in order to make this thing really take off. We're not quite ready for it yet, but in feeling people out, I've realized that we do not yet have the full compliment of skills we need to make the next step toward becoming a permanent, well-known and well-regarded fixture in the fandom.

A third source of stress is event attendance. I've been planning events for 12-30 people to attend, and I'm rarely sure of exactly how many people are going to show up. I've both overspent and underprepared on several occasions due to this, and I don't like the perception of jankiness that lends to El Furado. 

I need a little more money, a little more help, and a little more commitment from members in order to feel more at ease with how things are going. 

That's enough for now -

- Slava