ice cream

We went to get some ice cream at a local shop. It was Venture's idea. I like the spot, they have some good stuff. However, I didn't really have ice cream money.

I've been a little broke for a whole bunch of reasons, including bad planning, a mistake with math, and needing to spend more than I thought I would on a few important things.

Venture knows that I need to keep things a little tight for now. 

Not only did my dude get me some ice cream, he went and bought some for Jaxie, who was at work, so that she could have some and be included in some sort of manner. 

I looked down at the ice cream meant for my girlfriend, and had to try not to cry.

A few days later, Cicada mentioned that he noticed me looking down at the ice cream that had been packaged up for Jaxie, and that he knew that I was thinking about how I'm thankful to be surrounded by so many friends.

He was right, but only partially. I was also thinking about how much I wished Jaxie could be there with us, and how it makes me feel when other people care about and try to include Jaxie. Jaxie really does mean more to me than just about anything, and it pains me that she is often unable to join us, as she is typically working on weekends. 

When someone else remembers her it makes me feel very thankful. More thankful than when someone remembers me. I'm loud, obnoxious, good at making friends, and hard not to remember.
Jaxie is not social, loud and annoying, or flashy like I am, and when people show that they care about her... well, it also shows how much they care about me, whether they realize it or not. 

So yeah, I'm thankful for all of the wonderful people who call me "friend." Their time, presence, and all that they do means so much more to me than I can poke at a keyboard about. I'm even more thankful that by finding so many good people to be friends with, I've been able to make sure that Jaxie is likewise surrounded by supportive people who honestly like her and want her to be happy.

Because what I want, more than anything else I can conceive of, is for Jaxie to feel happy, loved, appreciated, included, and safe.


- Slava

Doggy

 Tonight, I ate three pb&j sandwiches.

Doggy made them for me to take to work. It's a small thing, but it makes me feel like I might be someone who is worth caring about, which feels nice. I'm glad to have her around. Sure, I've done a lot to help her out, but I don't think I can ever really make her understand exactly how lucky I am to have her in my life. 

It's about way more than sandwiches, obviously. It's about all the big and little things she does for me. It's about what she makes possible. El Furado, our home, would not be possible without her, in spite of her intermittent reluctance to participate in social events.

She gives and gives and hardly asks for anything in return other than my time, attention, love, and opinion, and to follow along on my spontaneous adventures. I don't know if I can ever give her enough of those things to balance the scales with what she does for me, but I'm sure going to try.

- Slava

Visitors

 I need a calendar really badly...

I keep offering up our guest rooms and forgetting that they've been claimed. I kinda pulled an oopsie and forgot that a farther-flung member of El Furado is coming in this weekend, then offered space to my sister and niece.

I could feasibly host them all, but it could be a difficult experience. Six people in the place for at least one night, five for potentially longer, and one of them totally new to all of the people there. Especially considering other stuff that's going on right now, maybe not the best idea.

I've asked my sister to push back her visit a week if she can. Hopefully she's fine with that.
I really hate to disappoint people; it makes me feel awful about myself.

I really need to keep better notes or a schedule or something. Commitments are getting a little ahead of me.

- Slava